


beautiful yet so unaware

by chagrins



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Anakin Skywalker Needs a Hug, Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreamsharing, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Force Ghost Anakin Skywalker, Han Solo Has Issues, Hurt Anakin Skywalker, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren Redemption, POV Kylo Ren, Parent Han Solo, Redemption, The Dark Side of the Force (Star Wars), The Force, The Light Side of the Force (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:54:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28185699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chagrins/pseuds/chagrins
Summary: Kylo Ren has always believed himself to be a monster. The day he killed his own father, however, he knew there was no turning back from the life he'd chosen.Flash forward to after the Battle of Crait. Kylo's been watching Rey train. He needs to find her. Needs to turn her to the Dark. She's been ignoring him, going about her business as if he doesn't exist. Until finally, he starts giving her pointers to help with her training, and she can't help but let him in.But as their bond softens the hatred inside of him, can he let go of the villainous deeds of his past?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 10
Collections: Force Dyad Celebration!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [darlingreadsalot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/darlingreadsalot/gifts).



> This fic was inspired by the following prompt that I received from darlingreadsalot for the Force Dyad Celebration collection!
> 
> 1\. After Crait, every time the bond connects them Rey attempts to ignore Ben, but when he notices some mistakes in her training he offers a few pointers and she can't remain angry at him for long.
> 
> I was so excited to write this! I've got more chapters to post, so stay tuned! 
> 
> Also, just a little note: there is a very good reason why I began this fic by having us relive Han's death. I won't say why, of course. But... you'll all find out in the upcoming chapters :)

**[](https://ibb.co/hDSg6h5)**

**34 ABY**  
Starkiller Base  


“I know what I have to do.” Kylo’s words are a cry—a _plea_ to end the gnawing torment that consumes him from the inside out. “But I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

Han edges toward him on the flat bridge.

For a flicker of a moment, Ren senses the warmth beneath this man’s gruff exterior. His resolve to kill him softens as memories of the past filter into his mind. A hollow hurt consumes him, though he desperately tries to ignore it.

Kylo considers abandoning his mission, but then there’s that internal whisper— _no_ , more of a sotto voce hiss—imploring him to follow through with the deed. Besides, he knows the truth: his so-called family never viewed him as anything more than a pawn, a conduit of the Force. They sent him away because they _feared_ him. The Dark blooms inside his chest, filling him with fire, a contained rage ready to be unleashed.

The man who was once his father stares at him with unmistakable pity. Eyes inspecting him like the monster he’s become.

_I am a monster, like my parents and everyone else has always believed._

_And there’s no coming back from this now._

Kylo halts directly before the aged, weak man. “Will you help me?”

_Help me cement what we already know to be true._

“Yes,” Han says, taking one strong step closer. “Anything.”

Kylo releases his helmet, and it lands against the metal with a clang reverberating around them. There’s hope in Han’s eyes. But an undeniable horror, too, which is familiar, to say the least.

He unholsters his saber, offering it out to Han. With a slight smile, Solo reaches for the dark weapon. Kylo hesitates then, a series of memories infiltrating his mind. With all the bad, so many happy memories alight from his subconscious, and he sees himself accompanying his father on an adventure as a child, surrounded by butterflies and laughter.

_I can’t kill my own father, he realizes._

_Yes, you can_. _Strike him down_ , the voice inside his mind hisses. _Become who you were born to be_. _Do what we both know you must do._

The words are enough to fuel him, instilling him with the hate he needs to fulfill his quest. Without another thought, Kylo ignites the blade, and a strip of red lances through Han’s chest. His father’s eyes grow wide. Kylo watches with horror, gut-wrenching guilt paralyzing him as Han’s life drains away.

The bounty hunter falls off the catwalk, eyes never leaving his son as his body drops further into the depths of the oscillator structure.

_Good_ , the voice hisses in a congratulatory tone. _Good_.

But Kylo feels anything but _good_.

And as his gaze lingers in the direction of his fallen father, he can’t help but remember the label he’s had his entire life.

_I am a monster_.


	2. Chapter 2

**35 ABY**

**POST CRAIT**

Kylo perches on the dais, metal so cool it seeps through his clothes and into his bones. Hatred fills his heart, and he welcomes it the same way he welcomes the monster he still is. His fists are clenched. Adrenal glands pump him full of searing energy that he will use to kill to get what he desires.

A figure in a black tunic pads along the dark pathway leading to Ren’s throne. As Armitage Hux nears, he gives a slight bow of his head, hardly acknowledging Kylo’s authority as Supreme Leader.

“My Lord,” Hux says.

Kylo stares at him with annoyance. “Well?”

“Unfortunately, I’ve got no news. Perhaps, we should focus our efforts elsewhere. Some girl certainly isn’t—”

“She is not just some girl,” Kylo barks. “And I’ve given my orders. Bring her to me alive or deliver the coordinates of her whereabouts so that I can grab her myself.”

“We’ve doubled, no tripled, our efforts, and she seems to be slipping through our fingers.”

“Then stop using grease.”

Hux pauses for a second, not even attempting to hide the irritation splashing across his features. His right brow twitches.

“Very well, Ren,” he says after a moment.

As Hux turns to leave, Kylo waves a commanding hand in the air, and his subordinate freezes in place.

“Oh, and Hux? The next time I see your face, you better have some information, or our conversation will not end so peacefully.”

The General hardly nods before spinning around and marching off, grumbling to himself as he goes. Kylo waits until the man’s out of sight, and then he returns to work. After all, he doesn’t trust for one second that Hux will deliver Rey. No, that command is simply to keep Hux busy and to prevent him from getting any ideas that might result in an attempted coup d'état. Kylo will need to find Rey himself. He knows this.

Leading up to the Battle of Crait, he connected to Rey without any concentration. The will of the Force, it seemed, randomly linked their minds. That ended directly after the battle. After that, she closed herself off to him, and since then he has received nothing more than glimpses.

Now, Kylo understands he needs to employ a different means to open up their line of communication. He hates that he’s so desperate to get her attention, but she needs to see the Dark Side of the Force for what it truly is. He needs to be the one to show her. He will need her to reign without interruption -- because together, they would be unstoppable.

Closing his eyes, he relies on the Force to guide him to her. Like he’s done since training as a young Jedi padawan, he allows his mind to clear of all thought, all emotion. He becomes a blank slate, his intention of reaching Rey already set. A rush of Cosmic Force washes over him, and he feels himself drifting through space, moving through the vast galaxy.

His spirit rushes forward. With one abrupt jerk, he arrives in a lush area of forest, humid air so palpable he nearly tastes it on his tongue.

The familiar buzz of a saber whooshes nearby. He turns to look. In the not-so-far distance, he watches Rey who stands between two giant Broodleaf trees. She’s wearing a blindfold over her eyes and holding out her saber as she defensively spars against what looks like a training droid.

Kylo smiles maliciously.

 _Good_ , he hears the voice hiss inside his head. _Good_.

Though, this time, Kylo isn’t sure whether it’s his imagination, or if the source of the voice that’s been haunting him since childhood has once again returned.

Either way, he waits.

He waits with every intention of making himself known when the time is right.


End file.
